Saturday, 26 January 2008

Silly Adult Mind

Walking kids to the school is the everyday routine of mine.I enjoy it very much , fresh air in the morning does good isn't it? The other day wasn’t any different… walking down the alley I was listening to the non-stop chatter of my girls. Elder one said, thank god today is Tuesday and it is not a three some day. I didn’t understand her statement and asked to explain. She did and it left me stunned.

The whole situation is so... We keep moving children with us in the name of job, location, relocation what not, putting them into the real tough moments of adjusting to the new place, new school and making new friends... My elder daughter Shriya was finding it tough to adjust in class 4, especially in a British School where all the kids had started their school from Nursery together. For her to break the group and enter but she managed to make friends with three girls and slowly found herself enjoying with those three girls who are all British. Lets say they are A, B and C out of which the girl C is a little older and a little dominating and the these three younger ones love to idolise. All of going very well .I was glad girls were settling into it now ,until the last two weeks where they started having threesome days where in Shriya wasn’t a part of their weekly activities for three days a week.Only the three of them would be to themselves.
So now she was glad it was not a threesome day and she got to hang around with the ABC. I reacted really sharp and said , why don’t u leave them, why don’t u make new friends.. Why is it that you have to hang around only with them/If they don’t want you why would you want them (In my mind I was really raging with fury thinking that they were pushing her out because of her colour… God!!!! What all was going through my mind) .do you want me to talk to them or you teacher I asked her almost shouting .I think I really over reacted with my daughters confession and she was taken aback..
"Well amma, I cannot stay away from them now you know... it is so tough to be alone again... I spent the first whole month alone... No amma if they don’t want me for a few days in a week, what is the problem... I don’t think it is wrong. It is fair they are friends from a long time"she said in a quite firm voice.I could not answer anything, but to just think why I was reacting…
Came home spoke to my husband… was almost in tears about moving the girls so much and not actually giving them nice base and group to grow with , but was consoled by him to just keep calm and if she is happy we should be fine.
I had gone through a little of being alone , and not fitting into any of the groups of other students into eh class who were either in the groups of beauty, brawns or brains.. Now I did not have neither of the three. It was not until 8th standard that I had my own group of 5 including me. I am in touch with two still and would love to get in touch with two again. Slowly as the day passed by I just left it at that. Took it easy seeing her happy…
On Thursday, A’s mom asked me if Shriya could join the girls party on Friday evening. And I took the chance and said; well you know they have been a little aloof form Shriya this week. Does u think they will like to have her in the party ((how smart of me to voice my concern in such a way? Isn’t it?)) She said, well I knew this was coming up... You know they are making a friendship poster for Shriya and did not want her to know, this is going on for two weeks. So don’t worry about that. They plan to give it to her in tomorrow’s party. It brought such glee to me to think I was the one who was overreacting where as there wasn’t any cause to think so much at all..We adults think too much and make things complicated by our real reading between lines and putting out experience in the situation. The agony I went through for a few days was too much.

This is the poster they made... It took them two weeks and so much effort…. now it is going up the wall in Shriya's as a constant reminder of their friendship and my silly mind.

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My question remains though
Why do we adults react so fast and so much?????why do we attribute motives to every word and every action? Any answers there? help is appreciated.

9 comments:

maddy said...

Liked it very much shubha..

It's our affection on children that makes us to react (sometimes overreact, as u say) immediately without even knowing the whole fact.
Its not ur mistake anyway.. instead it shows your concern on ur daughters who r far away from motherland.

As u had thought, suddenly, i too sensed so-called color factor initially..!!!

I like these kind of articles much from you Shubha since i easily understand them instead of recipies which, i think, is not for me :))))

Madhu..

Shubha said...

Thanks Madhu, I understand your concern about recipes too.. but then I handle both, so write both... isnt it?

Madhura said...

It's indeed a wonderful friendship gift for shriya and a remainder of the silly mind :D I understand how difficult it is for a family to move from Place to place and for the kids to endure getting adapting to the new environments, which I have been experiencing all these days.

In my opinion the possible reason for overreacting to these kind of situations could be that, We expect everything to be so perfect that we cannot withstand a slightest change in others reaction. As a result we start thinking of all the negative reasons to justify the cause. Or start thinking about ourselves that where did I go wrong? What’s wrong with us? Have we done our duty properly?

I have many instances in my life where I have overreacted! :D It’s just the human tendency or rather (I wud say a woman tendency) to think in that way. So in my experience, when I come across those situations, I give some time, stop worrying about it, have patience and observe the developments. It helps to solve the problems better or it gets solved by itself. We all learn by experience, I don’t think, we should feel guilty about it. We are refining ourselves :)

Pal said...

Hi Shubha,
I really liked the blog..I guess we parents are afraid that history (i.e.,what happened with us as children) would repeat itself and hurt our kids, and that makes us react the way we do. Maybe we should let our children grow and learn for themselves, while of course, keeping watch from a little distance.
Cheers..

Shubha said...

Thanks Madhura and Pal, yes we are quite protective towards kids.. and giving them our best is what makes us react I guess. But then as adults we really do overreact on everything i feel, or may be I do.

srinivas said...

adult mind has seen so many ups and downs - as such, even to analyse a small instance, it hovers with high acceleration. whereas, children's mind is pure - never goes on wrong perspective, it accepts everything as truth.

adakkE alvE hELOdu - makkaLa jagaLada madhye moogu toorisuvudu peddara lakShaNa. iMdu jagaLa aaDida makkaLu naaLe oMdaaguvaru. adE vayaskaru, iMdu jagaLa aaDidare aayassu saMpoorNa adannE meluku haakuttiruttaare

EnaMteeri! naanu hELiddu sari illa alvE?

thanks for wonderful input to massage the brain :)

gurudEva dayaa karo deena jane

Sandhya said...

Hi Shubha,

Very nice write-up!! you are right, sometimes adults tend to overreact to situations. Sometimes we tend to think only from one perspective not giving ourselves chance to view the situation from a different perspective. Consider a simple situation. If a bus comes late, we are quick to scold the driver or bus corporation "ishte ee bus galu, yevaaglu late, che ivattu late aitu". Little do we pause and think that there might be some reason why the bus would be late- the bus might have been held up due to heavy traffic, the driver might have halted at a stop more than usual to help a passenger, there might have been technical breakdown etc etc. It is important that we analyse a situation or problem, view it from more than one perspective and think of possible solutions. I know this is easier said than done. However, we can surely achieve this by practice.

Cheers,
Sandhya

Shubha said...

Thanks a lot TVS and Sandhya for the comments.. It is certainly easier said than done, but a virtue worth practising.

Nimisha said...

this one touched my heart. I can truely understand ur sentiments as a mum. Shriya is so lucky to find such wonderful frens.